Assault and abuse of power in sexual relationships: the church’s response – by Cynthia Holder Rich

Read Mark H. Rich’s Essay, “Golden Boys, Sex, and Power”

Many reporters, broadcasts, and articles have been riveted over recent weeks by an ancient story appearing in new iterations.  Powerful men have employed their power in abusive, narcissistic ways, and women, children, and families have been victimized.

Plus ça change…

Fate and conventional wisdom tell us that plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose – the more things change, the more they remain the same.  In biblical terms, there is nothing new under the sun, as Qohelet reminds us (in Ecclesiastes 1:9).  While the brutality of a particular outbreak of gender violence may shock, or the tawdry nature of the raising and support of a second family with the house help might induce disgust, fatigue may be the common denominator in much response.  We have heard this story before.

Powerful men often take sex as their due, ideally with consent but often without it from women who do not have the power – nor in many contexts, the perceived right – to refuse.  Women and men are often, and in many cultures, socialized to accept relationships that are not equitable, and to accept, expect, and even celebrate men taking a dominant role.   The ideas in romance novels, music and media about how men and women relate portray male dominance – and even some level of male violence – in sexual relationships as not only normative but also attractive to women.  This, coupled with supportive social and religious teaching, can result in danger to all who are formed and informed by perverse understandings of God’s intention for human relationships.

A global problem

There is no society in the world that offers protections from violation in this area to all people all the time.   That is, the reason this keeps happening, whether in rich or poor countries, is because the understanding of protection and preservation of bodily integrity for all as a basic human right due as a return for being born, whether male or female, wealthy or living in poverty – this understanding and value is not shared by all in any country on the planet.  (To be clear, I am saying that the US is not a context in which all are equally valued, nor is my home country a place where all people have the right to control the use of their own bodies in sexual relationships.  This is a primary factor which moves me to work for reproductive freedom, a conversation for another day.)

Where protections are not in place, violations will occur.  Violations do not always, nor in some contexts ever, result in penalties.  Penalties, when a man or men is/are caught, vary widely from context to context.  In the cases of rape used as a weapon of war, there is often no penalty.  Even in the cases in the news today, the capacity of wealth to procure legal staff and expertise may block conviction.  And if convicted, the same high-priced legal staff may be able to ease or negotiate punishment to a level deemed appropriate for those at the economic and international prestige level of the perpetrator or perpetrators.

Some will note that rape is different than adultery – an undeniable truth.  But if we understand what happened in the Arnold Schwarzenegger case as simple adultery between consenting adults, we deny the unequal power relationship that renders authentic consent impossible.  The vulnerability of a woman working in the home of a powerful and wealthy man and the sin involved in using that power toward sexual advantage make this more than adultery, and the implications of such a relationship, for everyone involved, whether men, women, or children, complicate this situation and call for ethical exploration and theological thought.

For many, living through experiences of professional and personal gender discrimination may lead to a lack of surprise when these stories surface.  Women who know discrimination may be more resigned than angry; after all, one cannot be angry all the time, no matter the ubiquitous nature of injustice.  Arnold Schwarzenegger is an old hand at what is called “womanizing” – a term that makes a whole gender trivial by categorizing what happened, in the words of one commentator this week, as “just shenanigans” – that which is expected, of course, of powerful men in their relations with women.  Dominique Strauss-Kahn’s alleged violence last month was not without precedent, either, and the stories that are emerging are giving pause even to those in his home country of France, where people are expert at looking the other way in like cases.

I am the mother of three teens, two sons and a daughter.  Discerning how to parent in ways that form and inform about these realities has become primary for me.  I want to empower my children to cultivate an operational ethical sense and belief about people, all people, leading them to value all as children of God.  I also long for them to be safe in a world where safety is not guaranteed.  My hope for them to form healthy, life-giving and faithful relationships with all they encounter and particularly with those with whom they share love and life is an issue of prayer.

How do we respond?

Following Jesus means learning from his own relationships with men and women, particularly around sex.  Prostitutes are often mentioned in the gospels as special beneficiaries/recipients of Jesus’ ministry, and are seen eating with him, befriending him and ministering to him. In John 8, Jesus responds to the report of a woman caught in adultery (without a partner?  really?  she was caught in adultery by herself?) by deflecting the angry and self-righteous vengeance of the Pharisees through a question about their own sin.  In 1 Thessalonians 4:6 Paul forcefully reminds the believers that the Lord Jesus will avenge (!) any sexual exploitation of any brothers/sisters by any other sisters/brothers.

In a society fairly obsessed with sex, we in the church need to get past our squeamishness and talk plainly about this important part of life.  Christians, children to adults, need help in talking about sex, power, and the relationships to which men and women are called by Jesus.  We have good news about healthy ways of relating that the world could use.  Dominance, abuse of power and violence are not part of God’s intention for humankind.  Here, I offer a few suggested steps that could move us in a healthy, life-affirming direction.

• First, societal acknowledgement and affirmation of equality between men and women, and an assumption of bodily integrity for all that includes the right to choose when, with whom and how to engage in sexual relations, must be cultivated, taught and maintained.
• Second, legal statutes that are perceived across the society as just, which protect the vulnerable from forced sexual contact, must be developed, and consciousness must be raised and maintained across the society of these statutes.
• Then, there must be effective enforcement of these statutes.
• Finally, when violation occurs, victims must not be further victimized in the process of law enforcement and judicial proceedings.

These steps, while brief, are (of course) in no ways simple, and achieving them would take the church partnering with many institutions, organizations, and persons to revolutionize male and female relationships.  I believe we in the church are called to confront the lazy and casual acceptance of inequity in relationships, because inequity robs us all of life and health.  We are called to work toward these ends, and thus to make a difference in the ways that girls and boys, men and women relate that honors God’s will and proclaims Jesus’ good news in sexual relationships, as in all of life.

On Wednesday, Mark Rich joins the conversation.

Read Mark H. Rich’s Essay, “Golden Boys, Sex, and Power”