Living in Christ, Living with… – Nicole Ashwood

Read Michelle Ashwood-Stewart’s Essay, “Living in Christ: Living not with, but THROUGH Cancer”
Read Carole Rowe’s Essay, “Living in Christ, Living with Alzheimer’s Disease”
Read Calis Roberts’ Essay, “Living in Christ, Living with Disability”
Read Nicole Ashwood’s Essay, “Living in Christ, Living with Gluten Allergies”

As a not-so-young, young adult (read very late twenties), who had confidently conquered my oyster, it was discomfiting to hear my pastoral care lecturer Prof. Peggy Way inform us rather blithely, “Life is messy.”  She stated it most matter of factly.  Some weeks later, she was emphatic in communicating the concept of the Messiness of Life to a class of very YOUNG (read green, untried, mentally obtuse) theologians who were beginning to come face to face with mess as we grappled with the reality of that which we call ministry.

Though there were several other concepts and more theological terms which described them, Peggy Way’s words have remained etched in my consciousness more so than teleology, soteriology, or even theodicy.  For, though some of my fellow sojourners would have been well aware of the impact of the ethical and biblical words, their greater interest was finding God amidst the multitude of life’s little lamentations.

The practicalities and realities of Prof. Way’s profound words had several opportunities to insinuate themselves into our consciousness – preparing for a ministry seminar on the morning of Sept 11, 2001; being addressed as a class with the news that a classmate was in the throes of multiple sclerosis; confronting the silent, though real spectre of racism in a predominantly Euro-American context associating with international students of various racial and ethnic composition while relating to African American classmates; the death of a classmate’s spouse in the middle of the semester; divorce and marriage and parenthood all in the course of a semester; and various other personal cases which perhaps never made it past the homes of those who lived the experience.

Of a certainty, knowing that life is messy did not always provide any of us with the ‘One-size-fits-all’ homily for life’s little lamentations.  It did not even provide a blueprint for pastoral care in every situation.  What it did provide was the calm assurance that a relationship with God (and for me read Jesus), self and others equips us with the essential tools for a ministry of “Presence” – being with, during a situation of crisis.  It required self-awareness, a mapping of the emotional, mental and spiritual needs of the situation and a willingness to be vulnerable with God and others as the situations warranted.  Sometimes, there was need for physical, mental, emotional and even financial support to supplement the spiritual, at other times, there was need simply for silence…

At all times, there was a need to recognize the God who is our refuge in trouble, joy and pain.

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For me, post-seminary, this wisdom was to prove one of the best practical gifts of and for ministry provided me by lecturers.  For, as we seek to address the various vicissitudes of life, there are moments when our faith gets severely tested.  Times when we silently wonder, with tears (mentally) making tracks upon our faces, “WHY GOD?! HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND? COULD YOU NOT HAVE CHOSEN SOMEONE ELSE TO DEAL THIS HAND IN LIFE? DO YOU REALIZE YOUR TIMING IS SO POOR?!”   Times when like the songwriter of old we ask

Does Jesus care when my heart is pained, Too deeply for mirth or song,
As the burdens press, and the cares distress, And the way grows weary and long?

Does Jesus care when my way is dark with a nameless dread and fear?
As the daylight fades into deep night shades, does He care enough to be near?

Does Jesus care when I’ve tried and failed, to resist some temptation strong;
When for my deep grief there is no relief, though my tears flow all the night long?

Does Jesus care when I’ve said “goodbye” to the dearest on earth to me,
And my sad heart aches till it nearly breaks, is it ought to Him? Does He see?

However, unlike Frank E Graeff, we do not always feel qualified to respond with a resounding and confident

Oh yes, He cares, I know He cares, His heart is touched with my grief;
When the days are weary, the long nights dreary, I know my Savior cares.

And, at times like those, our intimate knowledge of the Scriptures does not always equate to our confident assertion of the Psalms of lament which tend to end on a note of confident hope in God.  And it is in those moments of messiness, that we really discern what our faith looks like.  This week, we hear from writers have faced the reality of debilitating illness, death and finitude, the uncertainties of their own existence, the challenge to their understanding of self and faith.

Living in Christ while Living with the Messiness of Life is a challenge to enter an uncertain, vulnerable space; to give word to that reality series dubbed “The Un-programmable Finitude of Life”; embracing the unexpected gift of that special community of (faith, family friends and even foes) as we recognize that we cannot operate in this existence alone. It is about recognizing need and offering or requesting critical assistance when everything has turned upside down and giving in to the knowledge that we do not have the power nor the answers to effect some kinds of change, and recognize that sometimes we just cannot be in control.  And, truth be told, we have NEVER been in control.

This week, I invite you to enter the sacred space in Cynthia’s virtual parlour – on the front porch, in your office, bedrooms, boardrooms, or even in your hearts – to listen to these stories and engage them as you encounter your own Life-lemonades which constitute the messiness of life; to see whether the ponderings have any merit in your own experiential interpretation of Living in Christ series.  Feel free to say a prayer, to draw strength from their experience, to hear these reflections un-biasedly as we look at the impact of Cancer, Alzheimer’s disease, Disability, and Gluten allergies on people of faith.  I urge us to consider those instantly recognizable ailments, but to also consider those insidious social diseases such as the cancer of racism and other ‘-isms’ which have the power to debilitate many a people in one fell swoop.

May our God, the source of hope, fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit. (Romans 15:13, NLT appended)

Shalom!

Rev. Nicole Ashwood is an ordained minister with the United Church in Jamaica & the Cayman Islands. Currently seconded to the Caribbean & North America Council for Mission as the Education in Mission Secretary, where she helps to translate the elements of our daily routine to acts of ministry ad mission for those in need of partnering relationships.

Passionate about Gender Advocacy and Liturgy, she has collaborated with the World Communion of Reformed Churches for their Uniting General Council (part of the Worship Planning Team) and has worked jointly with the WCRC and World Council of Churches ‘Transforming Masculinities’ project.  As a result of the workshops she has contributed articles to the Two major transformingmasculinity manuals.  In 2011, Rev. Ashwood served as a member of the Local Planning Team for the Internationl Ecumenical Peace Convocation in Kingston Jamaica.

As a Mover for Gender Justice, (WCC), she is involved in training for gender justice in the Caribbean region. She was also a member of the Planning and Writing Team for the landmark 2011 publication of a Caribbean Women’s Bible Study Manual.