Why Marriage Matters Now: Thoughts as the Church Talks About Same-Sex Marriage – Brian Ellison

Every September brings change, more rapid in some places than others. The air takes on a crisp coolness at night. Some flowers fade while others blossom into roasty harvest golds and oranges and reds. Congregations track with the school year and ramp up programs, multiply services, launch campaigns.

And in the even-numbered years, Presbyterian Church (USA) presbyteries face another sort of change each September—voting gets underway on the constitutional amendments that have been proposed by the General Assembly, with the Assembly’s debates replicated in 171 microcosms around the country. Change comes when a majority vote in favor of an amendment. And sometimes things change because of the conversation—in attitudes, in a community’s spirit, in our relationships with one another—regardless of the vote’s outcome.

Among the amendments being discussed in the next eight months (or so) is Amendment 14-F, which streamlines and updates the Directory for Worship’s description of marriage, lifting up marriage’s foundational purpose in individuals’ and communities’ lives of discipleship. Significantly, it would describe marriage as involving “a unique commitment between two people, traditionally a man and a woman,” updating (no longer accurate) language describing marriage as “a civil contract between a man and a woman.” In addition to offering greater clarity on the relationship between church and state, the new section offers a more Reformed understanding of what takes place in marriage, in which a couple marry each other by exchanging promises, not by being awarded a special sacred status that only the church can grant.

Together with fellow leaders, congregations, pastors and supporters of the Covenant Network of Presbyterians throughout the church, I am hopeful that the presbyteries will approve this amendment. What is on the line is far more than “winning” some votes, or joining in a broader societal debate about equality:

• At stake are fundamental Christian values. By honoring the marriages of all people, we lift up the value of covenantal commitment, which reflects qualities of the relationship between Christ and the church. We encourage demonstrations of faithfulness, which honor God’s faithfulness. We strengthen lives of discipleship through mutual support, encouragement and accountability. And we emphasize the role of the church in helping couples keep the promises it has witnessed.

• At stake is the quality and content of the Church’s mission. Across the theological spectrum there is general agreement that this change will come to our church eventually. Wrapping up the legislative phase of this conversation allows us to move forward together in mission—devoting our energy not to heated debates but to collaboration and mutual engagement on matters of evangelism, service, worship, theology and the rest of what the world sees when it sees the church.

• At stake are the lives of people. This is not an exaggeration. Families have left our congregations in droves—sometimes for other churches, but sometimes giving up on church altogether—because their desire to express love and faithfulness would not have been honored by their own church. It is time for our constitutional documents to acknowledge the lives—and valid faith—of all families, including the many families formed around same-gender couples in our churches.

My hope and my prayer is that change will come, and not just to the church’s Constitution. My hope that we will grow in the strength of our witness, our devotion to one another, and in the depth of our relationships. My hope is that we will honor the fullness of the very special relationship of marriage—and all marriages—more deeply than we ever have before. May this be the change we seek and the change we see.

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To facilitate these important conversations, we at the Covenant Network are offering this week on ecclesio.com a variety of thoughts on marriage, same-sex marriage and the church.  Tomorrow, Mark Achtemeier offers a glimpse of the evangelical thinking that compelled him to change his mind about homosexuality and marriage, reprising his eye-opening presentation at this year’s General Assembly. On Wednesday, we turn to polity as CovNet National Organizer Tricia Dykers Koenig explains why even with the General Assembly’s passage of an authoritative interpretation, approval of the marriage amendment is still important for the church. That discussion becomes more personal on Thursday as Laura Cheifetz shares how her own marriage has opened her eyes to the institution’s importance in the church. And on Friday, I’ll share a sermon I preached at the national conference of the Covenant Network last fall, taking a closer look at Paul’s (in)famous words on marriage and how they draw us to an ever-new understanding of what matters most.

Brian Ellison is executive director of the Covenant Network of Presbyterians (www.covnetpres.org), providing overall strategic leadership in implementing the organization’s mission. He is also an adjunct instructor in homiletics at Saint Paul School of Theology and a host/contributor at NPR affiliate KCUR-FM.