From Toxicity to Grace by Brett Webb-Mitchell

“Toxic masculinity” is a tricky term, often used within women’s studies classrooms, that appears to be everywhere these days. It is tricky because it emerges in a very specific context, identified by men but also inspired by the feminist movement. Even though men and women have the same brain structure, the societal norms in which we live have shaped much of our behavior around each other. Toxic masculinity is defined by “violence, sex, status, and aggression…where strength is everything while emotions are a weakness; where sex and brutality are yardsticks by which men are measured, while supposedly feminine traits…are the means by which your status as ‘man’ can be taken away” (“What We Mean When We Say, ‘Toxic Masculinity’”, by Colleen Clemens, Dec. 11, 2017, tolerance.org).

The term “toxic,” itself is fascinating. Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines the word “toxic” as “poisonous substance; very bad, unpleasant, or harmful”. In the case of “toxic masculinity,” as noted above, it has been assigned to men in this culture, that equates masculinity with physical power (Clemens).  But in recent days, within The United Methodist Church (UMC), there is a kind of similar toxicity in the denominational system that has emerged since the 2019 General Conference, in which the “Traditional Plan” was moved forward as the blue-print for the UMC future. The General Conference affirmed the Book of Discipline language of “homosexuality is incompatible with Christian teaching,” and no self-avowed homosexual can be ordained, still keeping same-sex wedding out of UMC buildings. These words are, themselves, toxic. And toxic is just another word for deadly; harmful; septic.

The toxicity within the UMC became strikingly clear when two groups of stories appeared on Facebook one morning. The first set of stories reflected the current toxicity within the UMC, in which many out-LGBTQ+ and allied clergy are facing charges for simply being out and LGBTQ+, or supporting LGBTQ+ members of their respective churches. It is a kind of witch-hunt, a pogrom, in which the so-called “Traditionalists” want to remove all out-LGBTQ+ clergy and allies in the UMC. The first story in the Tampa Bay Times covered the Rev. Andy Oliver of Allendale United Methodist Church, who officiated at a same-sex marriage of two women, both members of his church, at the Dr. Carter G. Woodson African American Museum. Then, “(t)en days later, the Rev. Brent Byerman of Lake Magdalene United Methodist Church in Tampa, lodged a formal complaint against Oliver with the bishop (Ken Carter) of the denomination’s Florida Conference.” Rev. Oliver’s offense was officiating at a same-sex wedding ceremony, which is in violation with The Book of Discipline. https://www.tampabay.com/news/religion/same-sex-wedding-lands-st-petersburg-methodist-pastor-in-hot-water-20190503/

The second story concerned the Rev. Anna Blaedel, who will resign as the director of the University of Iowa Wesley Center because she is both openly queer, and because she officiated at a friend from seminary’s same-sex wedding in 2017 as well, just like Rev. Oliver did. Both are considered by The United Methodist Church to be in violation of the Book of Discipline, in which no UMC minister may officiate a same-sex wedding, and no self-avowed practicing LGBTQ+ person can be ordained.    https://dailyiowan.com/2019/05/02/wesley-centers-openly-queer-pastor-to-resign-amid-church-tensions/

Contrast those two stories with a recent Time magazine cover story, with Pete and Chasten Buttigieg on the cover, arms around each other, standing tall and proud, with the title, “First Family” written across the picture. One of my friend’s commented: I can only begin to conceive how life might have been different for me if this had been a cover of Time while I was struggling to accept myself as the way God had created me…I pray that those who continue to live blindly in heterosexual privilege have their blinders removed, stop looking for ways to oppress others, and learn to celebrate God’s gifts of love.” And another friend wrote: “I grew up in silence. No one spoke plainly or with respect about LGBTQ+ people, much fewer gay couples back then. May this Time cove of “First Family” with Mayor Pete Buttigieg and his husband Chasten Glezman be a signal to all of the LBTQ+ kids out there that it is OK to be who you are. And may this help us expand what it means to be family” (time.org).

The first set of stories reveals a toxicity that is moving and poisoning parts of The United Methodist Church as a denomination. Clergy lodging charges against other clergy, with the possibility of spending time and money and energy against each other, while the world is grappling with far more serious, critical issues, seems to be wasteful at best, and falling for the temptation of simply hurting each other because someone decided who is and isn’t worthy of God’s grace at worst. As a Presbyterian clergyperson, I can’t help but see how the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America, the Presbyterian Church (USA), the United Church of Christ, and the Episcopalians—who have all moved on from the LGBTQ+ issues—are attempting to address the major concerns of God’s justice and Christ’s peace locally and globally.

That’s why the story of Pete—a gay Episcopalian—and Chasten Buttigieg is incredibly refreshing, cleansing the palette from the toxicity that has infected some parts of the UMC. Granted, both Pete and Chasten have dealt with their own struggle of coming out of the closet, fighting off bullies, faced the loss of home, let alone jobs, because of being out and gay. And both are surprised to find themselves in this time of their lives on the cover of Time magazine, with an image that instantly became iconic, stirring hope and joy in and among many LGBTQ+ people, whether or not the LGBTQ+ person votes for Mayor Pete or not. Another glass ceiling is broken. Another taboo has been breached.

More importantly, evidence of the beauty of God’s grace was shown on the cover of Time magazine, in which two men in love with each other, still in their first year of marriage, showed how normal two people in love looks, acts, sounds, and feels like. In my relationship with my partner Christian, along with all the other gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, transgender, queer, intersex couples we know, we are moving forward, thankful that we have found the other person we were meant to be in relationship with at this time, knowing that we have the privilege of relaxing and simply being in the relationship, in which we know love, joy, peace, and happiness. And in the end of it all, love will always win over toxicity, as it will in the new form of Methodism that is emerging in light of the General Conference of 2019. My prayer is that the new form of Methodism emerges sooner rather than later.

The Rev. Dr. Brett Webb-Mitchell is currently the only out gay PCUSA pastor in Oregon, and is the organizing pastor of Community of Pilgrims Presbyterian Fellowship in Portland, OR, a 1001 Worshiping Community in the PCUSA. He is also the LGBTQ+ Advocacy Coordinator for the OR-ID United Methodist Church Conference, based in Portland, OR. Brett has written, spoken out, preached on, and led workshops on issues ranging from the place and presence of people with disabilities in the Church, to Christian religious education theory, LGBTQ+ parenting, and  recently on the ancient art of pilgrimage in a modern age. Brett enjoys time with his partner Christian Halstead, along with dragon boat racing, yoga, working out, reading, seeing movies, hiking, biking, art galleries, plays, musical events, and brew pubs and wineries in the great Pacific Northwest.